Monthly Archives: June 2012

Swimming 101

My dear, sweet, amazing friend, Lauren, convinced me that I needed to sign Teigan up for swim classes.  Well, duh, since we spend nearly every weekend at the lake.  

But, shall we say that it was an… interesting experience?  The teacher was a 60-ish thinks-he-knows-everything-has-been who decided that his favorite pupil [‘s mom to pick on] was Teigan [and me]!  I’m not sure where to start, but basically the expert teacher decided that “our children were going to kill us in ten years if we let them have control now”, we weren’t allowed to be friendly to the other mom and dad’s in the class as we could “call them afterwards if we were there to make friends”, and that if I am “more than five minutes early but more than 5 seconds late, I was in trouble.”  Oh, and he called me out for being “fat” to a class of 12+ parents and their kids [ages 4 months to five years].  Bless it.  I promise I don’t hold any of this against you, Lauren.  Mr. Creepy/Crazy-Face did, in fact, do a good job teaching – sorta.  But, for the record, I hate his guts.

Low and behold, Teigan did amazing.  Not only did she learn to go under for about seven seconds, but she kicked [on occasion], jumped off the side [with assistance], floated on her back [with some resistance], and looked beyond adorable in her assortment of bathing suits.

Mama’s skeptical… but T is thrilled with life right now

Ben and Uncle Matty came to check out the final class [hence the reason for the pictures] but lesbihonest, it was mostly to punch Mr. Creepy/Crazy-Face in the… face if he got out of line with me [his favorite].  [Un]Fortunately, he was extraordinarily nice and welcoming to everyone, especially me and my super manly-men-visitors.  

Tired, naked girl post swimming class

Teigan isn’t going to audition for Baywatch: New Millennium Edition anytime soon, but we’re super happy with the results.

“I’ll be readyyy [I’ll be ready], Never youuu fear [no don’t you fear], I’ll be ready, Forever and always, I’m always here….!”
David Hassellhoff’s biggest fan?


So many fun things have been going on this week!  I mean, we are just so darned popular…eerrrr, busy beyond belief.  Matt moved here, Ben went to Washington DC for the Fancy Food Show, Dad played here, we went for a lil’ wedding-n’-family-hanging-vacay in Chicago, Teigan got her first cold and “graduated” from her swimming class [hilarious stories coming later this week], and I… well, I’m just so busy being a candidate for Mom-of-the-Year… 

Now, off to a work retreat for two days.  Would it be strange if I brought Teigan’s blanket, shampoo, and stuffed animal with me so I can smell her?  Maybe.  How about her pacifier?  It’s so happening.

I just grossed myself out… ;c)

Post-being tossed ten feet into the air…

What?… Huh?… Earthquake!

It’s OFFICIAL!  Matt, my broski, is officially a Knoxville resident.  Bamskies!  I can’t wait to show everyone pictures of his place, but in the meantime, here’s an absolutely hilarious candid video of what he and my Dad [who was in town helping Matt move-in] did with Teigan every two minutes at the grocery store [unfortunately, I’m not even close to exaggerating].  The store manager may, or may not, have come by and asked for a ride himself.  Hint: he didn’t… but a toothless man did.  Truth.


Anyone who knows me is aware that I’m ridiculously organized and clean, super opinionated, as transparent as the shores of Costa Rica, questionably the largest fan of Blue Bell coffee ice cream known to man – and the most dedicated people-watcher, ever.  I’m totally obsessed.  Anyone.  Everyone.  Doesn’t matter where I am, what I’m doing, who I’m with, or how much I shouldn’t be doing it.  I love people watching!  Seriously, it’s bad.  I should probably see someone about it.  For the record, though, I promise I’m always listening – even if there’s absolutely no eye contact because I’m so obnoxiously and obviously starring at people.  Sigh.  Anywhoselbees, here are my picks for the top five places to people-watch:

  1. Airports
  2. Theme-parks, specifically any Six Flags or Dollywood
  3. Malls
  4. Any city’s downtown hub
  5. Cracker Barrell [newly discovered; but it’s definitely got the promise of a keeper!]

So, as you can tell from the pictures below, we were having a hard time catching Teigan doing anything on Saturday evening – other than people-watching in Market Square.  Are these seriously the things I’m passing on to her?  

Dad… play remote… A PERSON!
Yeah, I totally love playing with this remote, Dad…
…Nevermind, I see PEOPLE!
More Knoxvillians to look over!
I would kiss you, Maaaooom, but instead I’m thinking of all these people you’re making me miss out on!
Sorry, I’m busy being totally inconspicuous while starring!
And then Sweet T got her first flower from a boy.  Good call, buddy… hearty tip given!
Nice flower… nicer looking guy over there!
Back to the rose… for two seconds.  So anyways, I’m here with my mom and dad?  Who knew!
I really need to start getting back to reading the dictionary daily, playing Mozart in the background, and listening to inspirational books on tape in the car [yes, tape].  You know, ’cause I totally used to do that on a normal basis… and I have to pass on those things.    Nah.

Dadada’s Day!

When I stop to sit back and think about the amazing father’s surrounding me, I feel so thankful.  I am blessed to have such positive, wonderful people in my life… grandparents, uncles, cousins, friends, and certainly my own dad and husband!  Gosh, I have the best people around me [oh, and you too, ladies!].

But Ben, you are just the best dad!  Your whole life revolves around Teigan – and it shows.  I always do my best, but she is such a daddy’s girl and I’m not afraid to admit that you are clearly the favorite parent here.  But really, who could blame her?  I would pick you, too.  Thanks for being such a great dadada – we love you!

PS :: I found a slew of great photos that I never posted on here, so I may have to do some ol’ photo recaps soon.  But in the meantime, I couldn’t pass up showing these adorbs couple of GG Dick & Teigan. LOVE.


Sweet T has been taking a couple steps here-‘n-there, so we knew it was just a matter of time before our little lady would be running around.  Well…

… as I walked in the door to pick up Teigan today, I was greeted with the best news – she started legitimately walking today!  I’m not gonna lie, a little bit of me felt so insanely guilty that I missed the first real walk as I was working, but, I am so incredibly happy that Doug & Kathy were witness to it!  

Having left my cell phone in the car for the first few walks I was witness to, I was able to capture the last one of the day – in which I started crying and she subsequently finished the walk with a swift fall into the coffee table.  First fall of many?  No doubt, but I’m stoked!

Should I already be regretting this excitement, fellow mommies?  Here goes nothin’!

Heads up, Uncle Matty

My brother, Matt, will officially be a Knoxville resident in just over one week.  Um, what?!  I still don’t think any of us can get over that reality, but boy, we are so excited!  

Matt, as Teigan’s Uncle, just a few things you should be aware of once you get here:
  1. Teigan especially loves Jim Carrey faces… so it’s time for you to start practicing in the mirror again.  Except this time, 45 minutes every single night while sitting on top of the bathroom vanity isn’t necessary.
  2. Based on Teigan’s clear interest in music and dance, you will be working with her on N*Sync’s “Bye Bye Bye” dance and song.  Good thing you’re a seasoned veteran in this.  And “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred.  And “Heal the World” by Michael Jackson.  And “Since You’ve Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson.
  3. You are welcome to take our dogs to the park in hopes of picking up some cute girls, but Teigan… well, you can’t put her on a leash.  
  4. Don’t ever forget… “if it’s a #2, take a clue, it’s a job for you!”  Under no circumstances are you allowed to go greet a nice looking lady who clearly already has children to change your niece’s dumpy diaper.
  5. You’re very good at gathering market research in order to plead your case.  Next up?  You’ll start the plea in getting Uncle Zach and Auntie Kat to move here!  Somebody call the authorities, we’re starting a cult!  

I’m looking out for you, Uncle Matty!

Sure you’re ready for this jelly?  Zip zap!


“Can someone direct me to the green room, please?  Hello!”

I don’t think I have anything to say other than… “this is for you, Diva!”.  Many thanks to Jean and Lauren for making my sweet little girl look like a fourteen-year-old diva-in-training!  Ben officially hates you both.

Making sure my one-year-old is rockin’ a bikini and glitter shades like it’s nobody’s biz-nass,
E$ Mama

Adios, Liquid Gold!

The time has come for me to say goodbye to a dear friend, confident, and… by-product from my own body?  Teigan has officially consumed her last bottle of breast milk.  It’s hard to believe that damned pump and I had our separation five months ago.  It feels like just yesterday that I was hanging out to the “mahh mahh mahh mahh…” that was the soundtrack of my life for seven long months.  I will miss you, sweet breast milk, but I can’t say that I’ll ever miss the contraption, time, and process that it took to get to you.

Peace, Love, and Liquid Gold-
Maaaooomm [what Teigan is now calling me… how does a one-year-old skip “Mama”?!]

PS – Lauren H., I still never tried it.  I know you must be disappointed.  Good thing you tried it while you were under the influence – and you didn’t even know it!  Bamskies!  Meow.

It’s arrived… Pomegranate Liquor!

I know you’ve been itching to know how the pomegranate liquor turned out!  Behold your beating hearts, I didn’t kill anyone while making this sweet gem of a liquid… and it’s positively delicious!  Now I just have to figure out when to actually drink the stuff as it’s suddenly turned into something like our fine bottles of vino or, gasp, the forbidden mason jars of moonshine from the hills; there’s just never a good enough excuse to break into it!